If you really knew me. . .

There's a new show on MTV on Tuesday nights at 11pm that started a week or two ago i'm guessing? I haven't watched it till tonight because I didn't have anything else to do at 11pm.
It's kind of interesting.. The things these people are saying are so completely normal, things most of us had felt before, but never confess.. rarely to ourselves how certain things effect people and us.

I'm not sure if anyone ever reads this thing, probably not because I don't post it, so if anyones reading it, it's probably some random person who comes across it on the site... but I wanna try this with myself.

-If you really knew me you'd know I strive to be the best for my parents and somehow come out as the weak link. I don't try and compare myself to my sister because we've both has our wrongs and rights, but sometimes I feel like they don't realize how tame of a person I really am. Seeing where I am now, to what I was I feel i've come along way, and I don't ever get credit for it. But instead I feel like I get more and more greif about things that have happened in the past.. & they won't let it go.
-If you really knew me you'd know I don't trust a single person. I can see right through people, I can feel the lies coming out of peoples mouths, I can sense the truth that's not being told. I continuously have to play dumb in many situations because of other peoples lies, and it not only breaks me down but gave me this front I have on people today. As I have moved onto college in my own life it has gotten worse, & i continuously push people away.
-If you really knew me you'd know I don't call my best friend I've known since the 1st grade my 'best friend' anymore. It's probably a combination of the above statement and not living by eachother anymore but I don't think that's a fair enough excuse. If you really knew me you'd know I continuously try and talk to her, and be there for her, & when I ask her to be there for me she can't even give me a phonecall back. I'm sure we'll always be friends but I feel like we'll never be what we were, and while that makes me sick to my stomach saying it because we were so close... somethings you need to accept.
-If you really knew me you'd know my biggest fear is not having my Dad walk me down the aisle in my wedding because he won't be alive. I may have made this my fear because my Mom makes comments, but it has definately affected me.. You might hear me making jokes about it when she says those things but it breaks my heart. I always told myself if he wasn't there i'd have my Grandpa Chuck walk me down the aisle.. & he passed away 2 years ago, which is another reason why this fear has gotten bigger.
-If you really knew me you'd know the death of a friend has changed my life both negatively and positively. I thank God I learned something out of it, and can use it in my life, but i'm still stuck on those negative things... The What ifs. I know he's always here in spirit and i'll never forget him, but i'm not sure if I can ever forget why i'm asking myself what if?

Okay I can't do this anymore.

I guess my final thoughts on this is think about what you're saying before you say it, keep your relationships close, don't forget to let people know you care, be there for others as much as you can, don't hold grudges, and always remember... How would you like to see your life flash before your eyes with your last breath? If what you're living right now isn't that, change it.

Xo.

Family

"Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.
Gonna tell you how much I love you, though you think you already know.
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.
You're beautiful baby, from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl."
-Tim McGraw


I think every girls relationship with her Dad is just as important as her relationship with their Mom. Everyone just assumes the girls cling to their Moms and the boys cling to their Dads. I don't think that's true at all. And I think every girl should look foward to the day their Dad gets to walk them down the aisle, and have their Daddy/Daughter dance later on that night.. Besides your birth that's probably the next biggest day not only you have in your life, but your Dad too.

I don't really know what drove me to write about Dads, I guess I just miss mine. Though i just saw him yesterday & the whole weekend! I'm a born & raised Daddy's Girl though.


Can't forget about Mom though.. I'm not a very emotional person which is why I think my Mom controls my heart, if I see her upset or crying.. it takes about half a second for me to be upset and crying too.
I think I have a special kind of Mom though.. everyone says this but I have genuine reasons why I feel this way. She wasn't blessed with the best life in the world growing up, and most people you meet who have been through a lot don't mind complaining, telling you all about it, and never letting it go. Looking at my Mom i'd think she had the best life ever growing up, because she doesn't do those things. She made herself successful, she keeps herself positive, and doesn't let her past drag down her future. She's really an amazing role model, she may not think so but she definately is.


I feel like lately I can't get enough of my family.. Doesn't take long of being up here to feel that way though.

If I had to give any advice for the day i'd say make sure ya tell your family you love them as much as you can, never blow them off because they'll be the ones there in the end.. not your friend you blew them off for, and keep the relationships good.. Don't fight over stupid things and just enjoy your time with them... You never know what could happen in a couple years, or even a month, possibly even minutes.

Family is love <3

"There's only two people in this world you don't lie to...

...That's your God, and your Lawyer." - Rob Dedrich.

Couldn't have said it better.



Xo.

Out of reach..

Ever have something so close, about to reach for it then all of a sudden it's gone? I'm sure we've all experienced this.. & while I was sitting here kind of pissed off, annoyed, a tid of sadness I asked myself why?
Why me? ..Because ya gotta learn sometime girl!
Why did I even bother? ..What's the point of life if you don't take chances?
Why do I even care? ..It's called FEELINGS LYNDSAY.
Why am I wasting my time pissed off? ..Good point.

That went through my head and I can honestly say I'm over it. It took me like 1 hour to get over it, but i figured that's better than days, right?

Thats beside the point though... everyday people are experiencing things asking themselves why me? Why does my life suck? Why doesn't anything good ever come to me? Why can't my life be like theres?
Ever just thought about asking yourself these questions and answering them in a more posotive way? Instead of asking yourself 'why me?' then responding with, 'Cuz Gods out to get me'... think of a reason this could benefit you and feed off of it. not only do situations we go through teach us things, but they also make us stronger people. Not everyone learns and comes out strong though.. the ones thinking God is out to get only them, and their life sucks more than anyones are the ones who never learn, who are that way because they never learned to become stronger from a situation.. Don't be that person.

It's not easy at all finding positive reasons why in any situation, whether it be why did the pop at the lunch table have to pour on me? or why did my Dad have to die now?... It's hard to think of positive reasons, but that's why these why's are there.


This whole post makes sense to me.. kinda. So hopefully it makes somewhat sense to others :)